Be Still.

stupid stupid stupid

Stop kidding yourrself

stop being selfish.

people always get their way.

Never me.

its not even

That drinking is my escape.because truthfully it does cause me more problems. But every so often its like an adventure. The feelingg I get. I love that feeling of just being the least fragile thing, when really deep down I know when im in that state of mind I am most fragile. My emotions come out and cause me to cry and say all I want when I should keep most feelings to myself. I know drinking is a bad habit-actually, it isnt a habit. I would never com that close with alcohol. Its just something for me to feel different every once in a while. This state is so boring, its just needed to me at times. How paathetic right? I know I can have a good time sober, but its thee times where sometimes I feel scared of some situations that I want to have it. To makee me more outgoing or something I guess. I know this whole blog rigght now is quite pathetic for me to be blabbering on and on about but I was just thinking. But there is no excuse for me to drink overall. I may try and come up with one, but nver a good excuse. Never at all. Im just one big idiot

i feel like

All I do is annoy people. I dont feel like im taken serious by anyone. I dont feel lik peple believe what I say. I just nag and complain andd worry. I hate my jealousy issues. I hate how I am now. I feel like im crazy. I feel like people think im crazy. I need to get out of this empty mind and be like I was before. But it isnt that simple. It doesnt happen in the a snap of a finger.it happens slowly. But some people dont have the patience for that. They will leave me. They always leave.

i feel like

All I do is annoy people. I dont feel like im taken serious by anyone. I dont feel lik peple believe what I say. I just nag and complain andd worry. I hate my jealousy issues. I hate how I am now. I feel like im crazy. I feel like people think im crazy. I need to get out of this empty mind and be like I was before. But it isnt that simple. It doesnt happen in the a snap of a finger.it happens slowly. But some people dont have the patience for that. They will leave me.

tonight tonight tonight tonight

Needs to get here. I need my sleep!

:/

The worst dday already. Went to bed at 530am, woke up at 930 to a phone call from my dad tellling me about a bill I need to pay which is unecessary because I paid it on time. Its another 100 dollars I cant afford, along with a ticket I will mosst likely have to pay for 115 plus xmas gifts that I need to get:/ I remember when id get xmas money every year and id spend it alll on clothes and things I wanted. Now im stuck using it for bills:/ life truely blows when you grow up. I hope I can handle this:/ I wish I was still in high school, not caring about billls and shit. It was alot easier:/ and it is alot easier if I had someone to talk to.but I dont at the moment. :/

understanding.

Every meaning of every song that comes on right now. Im listening closly andd trying to concentrate on the words and the metaphors that come up in the lyrics. I just keep trying to relate every song to my liffe. Its like a game to me. And its helping me fall asleep at this point. Thankfully. Goodnight/:

i cant wait

to dance tomorrow night